life reflection.

God says: He who does not work, let him not eat.

I do: a considerable amount of eating. So far today, not so much the work.

Here's to God's forgiveness and the way forward.

home, sweet home...

I came home from working at the dining hall tonight. I stepped out of view on the porch and rang the doorbell. Caitlin came to the door in a witch's hat and cape, armed with a huge bowl of candy. She made a very cute witch, by the way.

I jumped into view. "Trick or treat!" I said.

Caitlin called me a name... can't remember what. Something mildly affectionate with a hint of exasperation.

But she gave me some Smarties and let me come inside.

Seth had a three page paper to write, so logically, he was hyper. He played a song on the piano about the three girls currently in the house: an extended piano intro, rhyming lines, the occasional ornamental yelp... Caitlin was irritated by this and gave him some candy in the face, and in the back, and in the shoe... she missed a lot from her chair. Eventually he ate some. "The sugar doesn't affect me at all," he said.

The homework takes effect much faster than sugar. I just hope our sanity re-appears as we forget about all those assignments and enjoy the weekend...

pray without doubting

Here is Rev. James Boice's testimony to his congregation, shortly after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Si peccas, pecca fortiter.

Martin Luther said this. I imagine this was his advice to other men like himself: Men conditioned to live in fear of committing a sin without confession. Men who were constantly paralyzed by the fear of screwing up their life. Men who spent their life in perpetual confession, kneeling on a cold stone floor, hoping beyond hope that their prayers would somehow atone for a life of misguided affections and careless words.

If you sin, sin boldly. For me, the phrase brings to mind Dr. Epstein's advice to those who had failed to do their homework. It meant that even if you were unprepared and caught in the act of laziness, now was the time to flaunt it. Now was the time to translate that Greek sentence on the chalkboard, preparation or no.

Grace flows unconditionally. It covers you completely. Sin boldly.

Willfully? No. Bravely, boldly, courageously. This is the same attitude required to tell your dad that you drove his car into a tree. It keeps the soldier fighting under cover fire. Yes, the danger and the brokenness is real. So get up for the millionth time. Persevere. As Andrew Peterson says in a song,

I realize that falling down ain't graceful,
but I thank the Lord that falling 's full of grace.

When you fall, fall with confidence. By Christ's atonement, all your falling is full of grace.

He came for those who needed a doctor. So if you're not sinning, be very afraid. If you sin, have confidence. You are the one Christ paid for. You are the one he came to save. Christ heals our paralysis. He takes the cripple at the city gate, and makes him walk and dance again.

I'm reflecting on this because I've come to a point where the failure seems overwhelming: I've lost friends. I've gotten behind on work. I've said things I need to take back, and complacently embraced the aspects of my character that God hates: pride, self-satisfaction, loudness, polemical attitudes. I suffer the consequences of all these things.

And yet, the call is to move forward. Press on. Keep on fighting. Get up the nerve to talk to your heavenly Father about these things. Live in the confidence that Christ accepts you, and your works. He has prepared good works for you, and you will hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of my Lord."

Sin boldly.