home, sweet home...

I came home from working at the dining hall tonight. I stepped out of view on the porch and rang the doorbell. Caitlin came to the door in a witch's hat and cape, armed with a huge bowl of candy. She made a very cute witch, by the way.

I jumped into view. "Trick or treat!" I said.

Caitlin called me a name... can't remember what. Something mildly affectionate with a hint of exasperation.

But she gave me some Smarties and let me come inside.

Seth had a three page paper to write, so logically, he was hyper. He played a song on the piano about the three girls currently in the house: an extended piano intro, rhyming lines, the occasional ornamental yelp... Caitlin was irritated by this and gave him some candy in the face, and in the back, and in the shoe... she missed a lot from her chair. Eventually he ate some. "The sugar doesn't affect me at all," he said.

The homework takes effect much faster than sugar. I just hope our sanity re-appears as we forget about all those assignments and enjoy the weekend...

pray without doubting

Here is Rev. James Boice's testimony to his congregation, shortly after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Si peccas, pecca fortiter.

Martin Luther said this. I imagine this was his advice to other men like himself: Men conditioned to live in fear of committing a sin without confession. Men who were constantly paralyzed by the fear of screwing up their life. Men who spent their life in perpetual confession, kneeling on a cold stone floor, hoping beyond hope that their prayers would somehow atone for a life of misguided affections and careless words.

If you sin, sin boldly. For me, the phrase brings to mind Dr. Epstein's advice to those who had failed to do their homework. It meant that even if you were unprepared and caught in the act of laziness, now was the time to flaunt it. Now was the time to translate that Greek sentence on the chalkboard, preparation or no.

Grace flows unconditionally. It covers you completely. Sin boldly.

Willfully? No. Bravely, boldly, courageously. This is the same attitude required to tell your dad that you drove his car into a tree. It keeps the soldier fighting under cover fire. Yes, the danger and the brokenness is real. So get up for the millionth time. Persevere. As Andrew Peterson says in a song,

I realize that falling down ain't graceful,
but I thank the Lord that falling 's full of grace.

When you fall, fall with confidence. By Christ's atonement, all your falling is full of grace.

He came for those who needed a doctor. So if you're not sinning, be very afraid. If you sin, have confidence. You are the one Christ paid for. You are the one he came to save. Christ heals our paralysis. He takes the cripple at the city gate, and makes him walk and dance again.

I'm reflecting on this because I've come to a point where the failure seems overwhelming: I've lost friends. I've gotten behind on work. I've said things I need to take back, and complacently embraced the aspects of my character that God hates: pride, self-satisfaction, loudness, polemical attitudes. I suffer the consequences of all these things.

And yet, the call is to move forward. Press on. Keep on fighting. Get up the nerve to talk to your heavenly Father about these things. Live in the confidence that Christ accepts you, and your works. He has prepared good works for you, and you will hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of my Lord."

Sin boldly.

Top Two

Heartaches:

1. Mom W is really sick.

2. Brad and Sue Frey's grand-daughter died on Friday.


Mess-ups:

1. dessert for the block party. :/

2. tables and vac at the dining hall Friday.


Songs:

1. "Awake my Soul," Mumford and Sons

2. "Great Glass Elevator," Andrew Peterson


Unexpected Blessings:

1. seeing the Schaefers at church today.

2. cool weather to run in BF.


Fun Times at the House:

1. Buttermilk Falls, swimming, sixty degrees. WOOHOO.

2. The Mysterious Disappearance of Jeffery and Subsequent Water Fight.


Books:

1. The Valley of Vision

2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

But when you fast...

But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

(Mat 6: 16-18)

After one attempt to fast from food, I must admit I was sorely disappointed by the whole experience. All I could think about was food, and how to stay away from it. Being hungry makes me fairly miserable, which meant I felt justified in cutting my mother short every time she talked to me. I also felt the need to "save myself" by not getting involved or helping with stuff. My day went like this: I got up and dressed early. Then I sat in my room and tried to concentrate on studying the Word and prayer. Ironically enough, by about 12:30 in the afternoon my ability to study was completely gone. All I wanted to do was eat and go to sleep.

God is somehow unaffected by a hypocrite skipping meals. Go figure. I've read Isaiah 58 only a million times and somehow missed the point of it--"In the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers. You fast only to quarrel and to fight... Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard."

God's fast is a fast of repentance and holiness.

Lesson 1: I fasted without repentance for my sin toward my mother. I didn't even put up a show of fighting my tongue that day. God never rewarded my fast, and I think this is why. Fasting in disobedience obviously reveals a lack of trust in Christ.

Lesson 2: Fasting is an act of faith. It expresses how much I need Christ to work--to make me holy, to save me, to dwell with me from day to day. Fasting is an expression of how much I long for him to indwell us as a church, a community, a nation. But it doesn't make God do anything. God responds as He chooses. Not only does he know my heart--He also has the perfect plan.

Lesson 3: What was the fast for? God doesn't tell us to fast for its own sake. Fasting is an act of mourning--mourning for the return of a Savior, mourning for personal and corporate sin, mourning for the coming of God's kingdom on earth, mourning for God to show himself strong on the behalf of a friend or family member. The purpose of my fast? "I've never tried it before; maybe I will." (Not to overwhelm you with my profound desire to know God, or anything...) Lame.

John Piper's book, A Hunger for God, is an excellent case for the Christian practice of fasting. I tried to fast before I made it to chapter 6. That's the best chapter in the book, explaining Isaiah 58 for our benefit.

With Piper's help, I've identified some potential areas for fasting other than going hungry.

What if I lived a day or a week

without my computer?
without my nightly jog around the neighborhood?
without spending money?

What if I replaced these with a focused time of studying the Word and praying for God to "restore to me the joy of your salvation"? What if I fasted for...

the nation of China?
my friends who suffer from cancer?
the spread of the gospel in my community?
a heart to share my faith in Christ with others?
repentance from my sins and a clean heart?

God does not despise a broken and a contrite heart. I don't plan to put up any sequel to this post, or give any secrets about how to make fasting "work." I'll simply live believing that God has promised to use fasting for good.

I am going to keep practicing. The bridegroom is away, and the bride must go about mourning. I eagerly long for and wait for his return--not just in my personal life, but in the life of the body and in all the nations of the world. Setting aside one or another pleasure demonstrates, in some way, that my soul and body long for something deeper. Nothing in this life--not food, not friends, not anything--can satisfy the ache in my heart to see the glory of God in the face of Christ.

So come Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Wedding Announcement

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head were joined in matrimony at 4:30 this afternoon. Following the ceremony the couple departed for a honeymoon, escorted only by a small cheetah.

The new Mrs. Potato sported a yellow golf hat, bare feet (toned orange), and her largest, whitest set of teeth. Mr. Potato's jumbo eyes and ears engulfed his half-size body. It was a compelling ceremony, as both exchanged vows they had written themselves.

Mr. Potato Head, do you promise to protect this woman from any further damage? Her eyes, her ears, her head?

Do you promise to have children?
(this is her question, Isobel added...)

Then you may kiss the bride.

Loud applause (with an occasional howl of laughter) ensued from all the guests--Camera Man Potato Head, Dad Potato Head, Yours Truly, and two young children. None of the guests have been informed when the couple will return from the Dark Jungle of Doom, where they are now on their honeymoon.

it droppeth as the gentle rain...

Pastor put this into his sermon today.

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.

William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice.

Hurricane Alex is still working its way through town. Lots of rain to remind us (among other things) of God's mighty, yet gentle mercy.